Toys – Making Toy Play Fun

A lot of people abandon toy play because it’s inconvenient and not as enjoyable as other activities. Think about your own experiences. For me, I started buying and playing with cheap toys with suction cup bases. I had a hard time finding something to stick them too. I tried chairs, stools, filing cabinets, floors, walls, shower tiles and the list goes on. I never found a suitable object that I could stick my toys to without doing some weird form of yoga position to get them in my ass at just the right angles. Out of frustration I ended up making my own toy stand. That was a game changer.

Having a proper stand made play a lot more enjoyable and I began to play more often. As the amount of time I dedicated to my toys grew I found that proper set up could be a distraction and discouraging. If I forgot to lay down a towel I’d drip lube on the floor. If it was oil based or J-lube it was a hassle to clean up. If I forgot my poppers I’d have to dismount my toy, squeeze my butt closed (I didn’t want to drip lube all over) and scurry over to get my poppers from the refrigerator. If I got thirsty I repeated the process to fetch a glass of water, beer or glass of wine. Sometimes, there were accidents. And if I didn’t do the preliminary cleanout, there might be some….poo. That’s never fun, unless you’re into scat play.

In all my years of toy play I’ve finely tuned my toy play setup process. Now, it’s a major part of my sex life. It’s fun, convenient, available when I want it, it’s safe, and I don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone else except myself. I want you to have the save enjoyment. So, I have included topics below that I found important in my evolution as a seasoned toy player.

Find a good place to play

If you can dedicate an area for play, it makes things a lot easier. When you’ve got everything you need in one place, it makes setup and cleanup quicker and more convenient. This can be difficult for some especially if you’re living with parents, roommates or simply live in small spaces. I’m lucky; I live alone, own my home and have a garage where I’ve dedicated space for toy play. If you’re not so lucky, try to find a place that is well lighted, easy to clean up, has power outlets for accessories and can afford you some privacy. For many, the bathroom is a good place to start.

Consolidate your supplies

Having everything you need in one place adds convenience and helps expedite setup. Here are a few things you’ll need. If you’re using the bathroom, you’ve probably got many of these already there:

  • Cell phone for pictures, videos and emergencies
  • Paper towels
  • Lubes: water, oil and silicone based
  • Vibrators
  • Puppy pads, incontinence piddle pads or newspapers to catch lube that leaks from your butt
  • Hand towels
  • Dawn dish soap and salt for cleaning up J-lube (not required but helpful)
  • Spare vibrator batteries
  • Vagisil (maximum strength, used as a numbing agent)
  • Juice injector (without the needle, used to insert lube into your hole)
  • Mirror(s)
  • Latex gloves
  • Laptop computer, iPad or a mobile device for watching porn or recording your play
    • Get a long VGI, HDMI or other video device cable so you can put a webcam on a tripod behind you so you can see the action up close. It’s hot!

Get a tool or cleaning caddy

Tool Caddy

A caddy of some sort is ideal for organizing and storing your supplies in a single, mobile container.  Or, if you travel, consider getting a canvas tool bag from a hardware store or online. If you need privacy, get one you can lock.

If you have a lot of gear, consider getting plastic drawers. You can find them in office supply stores.

Portable office drawers

Make or buy a toy stand

Tool stand

A toy stand goes a long way in making a safe and enjoyable play session. I’m including an illustration of a toy stand I built from parts I bought from a hardware store (illustration below). If you don’t have hand tools to construct a stand, there are toys stands you can buy at some sex shops, but they can be a bit pricey. You can find a variety of stands online or you can consider improvising or modifying a stand made for some other purpose. If you search the Internet, use the search phrase, heavy duty equipment tripod or heavy duty equipment stand or sculpture stand.

Tripod

Whatever you choose, safety and comfort should be your first consideration. You want to make sure whatever you use won’t collapse under your weight, won’t shatter or break into sharp shards, will be sturdy and allow you to squat over it with good balance and stability.

Home-made toy stand (view full size)

Use the right lube

To chose the right lube take the toy material into consideration. Silicone based toys are slick and no-porus in general so they typically need a grease or oil based lube that will adequately coat and adhere to the toy’s surface. J-Lube, a water based lubricant that is sold as a powder can be made very thick. It works well on silicone toys as long as it is very thick and sticky…almost “goopy.” Silicone based lubricants work also, but they’re expensive and their viscosity may not be inadequate depending on the brand. You will see some warnings on the Internet warning you not to use silicone lubes with silicone toys because the lube will degrade the integrity of the silicone lube, perhaps even dissolve it. That’s not necessarily true. If the silicone toy is made with inferior materials I can see where this might be a possibility. To make sure though, check with the toy’s manufacture to see if their toys are at risk.

Here are a few oil based lubes you might want to try. A word of caution though—if you are experimenting with a lubricant not specifically made for sex toys or food, proceed at your own risk. You may be allergic to the substance and it may be toxic. Definitely avoid any lubricant made for machinery or not made for use with the human body. The following list is what I’ve tried and used safely:

  • Baking grease (Crisco or off-name brands)
  • Lard
  • Cooking oils (canola, olive, coconut, etc.)
  • Vaseline

For latex, jelly or rubber type toys (not always a safe pick), oil and grease based lubes degrade the toy material and they become gummy and sticky. That scares me and I think it would you too. The best lubes for these toys are silicone and water-based lubes.

Toys – Material Safety

Toys can be broken down into two categories; porous and non-porous. Porous toys, like those made of latex, rubber, vinyl or gel fall into the porous category and should generally be avoided if possible. The reason for this is that generally chemicals have been added to make the material softer, squishy and more pliable. Unfortunately, these chemicals are known carcinogens.

Another reason to avoid these types of toys is that because they are porous they’re hard to clean and sterilize. Minute bits of tissue or debris offer a wonderful breeding ground for bacteria. Running them through the dishwasher or exposing them to high heat can damage the toy and cause chemicals to surface.

If you’re on a tight budget or your options are limited, you might be stuck with one of these kinds of toys. If you do, be sure to read the labels carefully to read what they’re made of. Avoid anything made with Phthalates (“thal-ates”) which are designated as possible human carcinogens. If you’re not sure if they’re safe, put a condom on them. If you can afford it, I highly recommend toys made of medical grade silicone. They are more expensive for sure but they offer several advantages:

  • They can handle very high dishwasher temperatures which makes cleanup and sanitation a snap
  • They’ll last a lot longer than other toys-years longer
  • They feel better
  • They can handle a wide variety of lubes including oils and grease without degradation (except with silicone based lubes-don’t use them)
  • They’re not porous

I did a little research and found a few websites that provide greater detail about what to look for when buying a toy and about what toy materials to avoid:

Fisting Safety

With a bit of precaution, preparation and adherence to safe practices, fisting is generally safe and in my opinion, one of the safest fetishes you can get into. In this section I’ll share my knowledge and experience regarding safe practices so you can reduce risk and have a safe, injury-free fisting experience. Please consider that my knowledge and experience should not be considered the most comprehensive, or final word on safety. I don’t know everything. I’m no physician either. As such, I recommend that you do some research of your own. You’re likely to learn something I’ve not covered and if you do, please share it with us.

Drugs and Alcohol—Being able to relax and prepare yourself for play is important. For many people a glass or two of wine or other beverage can help. For some, maybe a little marijuana will do the trick. I don’t discourage or condemn doing this because in moderation, it works for many people. On the other hand, I don’t promote it either. Everyone is different and the effects of these substances introduce an opportunity for risk. Besides relaxing muscles these substances can impair judgment and delay motor responses. You have to decide for yourself if you want to try any of these to help get you in the mood. You are your own best judge.

Some men are into the more serious drugs; methamphetamines, cocaine, GHB, etc. I have no experience with these substances. I’ve never tried them and never want to. Unfortunately, I have had the experience of playing with guys that have been under the influence of them while we were playing. The experiences were all miserable and dangerous. These unfortunates were selfish, reckless, inconsiderate and totally absent of any sound judgment. Their skills for play were wholly deplorable and they often hurt me. I’ve had to end every session with one of these characters prematurely for my own safety. You should not be afraid to do so either.

Gloves—If you’re fisting someone it’s recommended that you wear gloves to protect yourself from contracting or passing an infection to another person. Wearing gloves is especially important in group play. Fisting a butt is most likely going to traumatize some part of the gastrointestinal tract to the point of bleeding. Bleeding may be readily apparent or so minor that it’s not visible. Blood and other body fluids can harbor viruses, bacteria and other types of infection. If you are fisting someone that is infected and if you have a cut or other open would on your hand or wrist, it is possible to contract that person’s infection including HIV and Hepatitis.

Black Nitrile Gloves – Sexy and Safe

If you’re fisting other people, blood captured under your fingernails or left on your skin can pass infections on to numerous people. Wearing gloves helps protect you from contracting and passing along infections. When using gloves, make sure they are the last thing you do before putting your hand up some guy’s butt. It does no good to put your gloves on first and then help spread newspapers under the sling, pick dropped items off the floor, open bags, help the bottom into the sling, etc. and then put your hand into his butt. They’re contaminated by then!

One last thing on the topic…It’s common sense, but I’ll just say it anyway; use a fresh set of gloves for every person you fist. I’ve actually seen people forget to change them.

Communication—Good communication makes for a fun, safe and great fisting scene. It may be awkward at first, but once you start doing it, it gets lot easier and really improves your experience. Put both of yourselves at ease and improve your safety by talking about your health status. Usually people want to know about the two biggies, HIV and HEP C. At play parties when I start off playing with someone, I introduce myself and give them a little background about myself. I’ll give them my first name, tell them a little about my fisting experience and disclose my HIV and HEP C status. I also tell them when I was last tested. Usually, they’ll reply in kind and often provide the same kind of information I just provided. If they have an issue about my HIV status (I am HIV+), they’ll let me know and tell me what they want and expect. Often they’ll say something like, “I’m negative and plan to stay that way.” I’ll acknowledge that and tell them what I’ll do to keep them safe. I’ll say something like, “Cool. I want to keep you safe too, so I’ll use gloves at all times and if you want to fuck, I’ll use a condom and I’ll make sure the condom I use is safe for your lube. I see that you’re using Crisco. I happen to have polyurethane condoms if we get that far. Is that OK with you?”

Sometimes it’s a little more complicated than that, but doesn’t have to be. The objective is to hear your partner’s concerns, acknowledge what you heard, share your own concerns, negotiate the what’s and how’s of your play and then respect and follow what you negotiated. In the end, you both should be at ease with this issue and can move on to the fun part.

It’s all About the Bottom—For you tops out there that think that the bottom is at your disposal and you call the shots get that thinking right out of your head. This kind of play has to be all about the bottom because if you’re careless you can cause serious injury and even death.

Make sure you have trimmed and filed your fingernails smooth even if you’re going to wear gloves and especially if you’re going to bare-hand fist him. The gastrointestinal tract is thinly lined and is easily punctured by sharp edges. It takes a while to get your nails trimmed right and you should start the day before. When done right, you should feel no edge of your fingernail. Smart bottoms will ask to check your nails, so be prepared.

Baking grease, the basic staple of fisting. Cheap, readily available and effective

Using Lube—Any fisting bottom with a bit of experience knows they’re responsible for bringing their own lube, especially at play parties. Doing so is proper etiquette, but the biggest reason to bring your own is to prevent transmission of communicable diseases. So, before you grease up the pig, ask him which lube is his and which one he prefers (many guys often bring more than one type of lube). If he hasn’t brought his own lube, tell him he needs to go buy some or the play is off. NEVER share your lube with anyone else and never dip into anyone else’s lube. Doing so is one hell of a way to infect multiple people by cross-contamination and really piss off the lube’s owner.

J-Lube – A water-based lubricant, a favorite for many fisters. J-lube is a concentrated powder you simply mix with water. A single bottle can make as much as 5 gallons of lube depending on how thick you like it.

Use liberal amounts of lube; put some in his ass, around the outside of his hole and around his butt cheeks near the hole and lube your hands/gloves excessively. When you think you’ve used too much lube, think again…you’re just getting started…add more lube!

Be gentle and go very slowly at first. The rectum and colon stretch, but they don’t like stretching quickly. If you go in too fast you’ll irritate the tissue inside. Once that’s done play won’t last too long and you may have ruined a night of fisting for the bottom and other tops that were looking forward to playing with his ass.

Getting Started—At first your focus should not be on watching your hand go in his ass. There’s plenty of time for that and besides your sense of touch will tell you how that’s going. Instead, watch the facial expressions of your bottom and the sounds he makes. That will give you a good idea of how well you’re doing. Ask him to use sounds or hand gestures to let you know when to stop, slow down, back up and go in more. many bottoms don’t want to come across as pushy or bossy and may not tell you how you’re doing. Encourage them to talk to you and give you guidance. I always tell my bottoms when they’re not communicative that I can’t give them the best fist job they’ll ever get if they don’t tell me what they want.

Bottoms, you’ve got a lot of responsibility for your own safety too and making your experience a blast. You have to talk to your top and explain what you’re feeling and where to go. This is especially important if you’re working with a new top. Most tops I’ve ever met are really concerned with providing you with an excellent experience, in fact they take pride in it. Usually they’re very concerned about your safety. So, help them out and give them positive feedback. If they’re doing well, tell them so. If they need to stop or slow down, tell them that too. Believe me, they’ll be grateful that you do. I’ve taught a lot of young guys to top and they were pretty nervous about it but I made sure we went slowly and coached them the whole way through it. I told them what they were feeling inside me as they made their way up my hole, how it felt to me, how to get through rings that didn’t want to open up, etc. After nearly every session with a newbie they tell me how appreciative they were that I did that because without the feedback they just didn’t know what they were doing and whether they were hurting me or blowing me away with great sensations.

In closing—That’s a lot of information to remember, but if you’ll remember some of these basic guidelines you should be good to go:

  • Communication is the key to safety and fun
  • Always wash your hands thoroughly before fisting a person even if you’re going to use gloves
  • Use a fresh pair of gloves for BOTH hands—they should be the last thing you put on just before you fist someone
  • Don’t mix fucking and fisting as this increases the risk of transmitting STDs including HIV
  • Don’t jack off while you’re fisting someone; you are adding your precum to gloves and lube which increases the risk of transmitting STDs
  • Never share lube or dip into someone else’s
  • If bleeding occurs, stop and inform your bottom. Some guys naturally bleed a little at first. You have the right and obligation to yourself to call an end to play if this makes you uncomfortable
  • Remember, it’s all about the bottom