Online Hookups Do’s and Don’ts


I’ve been a player now for some time. The internet and hookup apps make it easy to find a playmate, but many the guys on these sites and apps take the fun and ease out of hooking-up. Here’s my list of irritants, do’s and don’ts. What are yours? TWINKS TAKE NOTICE!


Read My Fucking Profile—especially the part that says I’m HIV+. Besides, I wrote it for you, not my vanity.

Be on Time—it really is rude to be late despite anything you hear about “Gay time.” Gay time is bullshit.

Create a Complete Profile—the more you put out there, the more people will know if they’re interested in you. 

Be Honest—especially about your HIV status, your dick size, weight, age, etc. No one likes a liar and they’ll “remember” you to everyone.

Send Him Home—if he doesn’t look like his profile picture, tell him so and send him packing. These assholes plan on you being so worked up that you’ll just give in to get your rocks off. Do all of us a favor and tell them to fuck off and send them home limp. They’ll be humiliated and think twice before doing it again to someone else.

Exchange Cell Phone/Text numbers—Shit happens and it’s polite to let the other know if something comes up. If he’s concerned about privacy, see if there’s another way to communicate. If he’s totally resistant about this, it’s a warning sign that something’s not right. 

Keep Your Word—if you say you’re going to call, CALL. If you say you’re going to show up, SHOW UP. Having found a better trick is not a good reason to no-show or cancel at the last minute. If you find a better trick, schedule him for later that day/night or a later date. Or, simply let him know you’ve got or are working on a hookup already. Ask him if you should hit him up should your hookup flake on you. What are the possibilities of that happening!

Bring Your Own Stuff—unless he’s offered, bring your own supplies like lube, condoms, poppers, 420, gloves (for fisting). If he’s generous enough to host, you can be polite enough to bring your own shit.

Let Your Needs/Desires be Known Explicitly—he can’t read your mind and you won’t have a good time if he doesn’t know what you need to get off. Conversely, if he’s not telling you what he wants, ask him.

Do Some Reconnaissance—if traveling out, Google Map his address and get a street view if you can. While you’re on Google maps, get directions to his place from yours so you can see how long it will take to get to his house.

Plan for the Psycho—create insurance for yourself by sending someone the details of your hook-up and ask them to check up on you 5-10 minutes after you arrive. Make sure your friend know what app or website you met the guy on; what the guy’s profile name is, what his real name, what his address is; his phone number, picture, etc. Do this if you’re hosting too. Casually mention that you’ve done this to your trick and definitely mention it if it gets really weird. Seriously consider taking pepper spray or other personal defense items with you and keep them close at hand until you’re comfortable with the situation


Don’t Ask Me What I’m into—it’s in my profile. If you have a menu list of, “I don’t do this” and “I don’t do that,” then you’re probably going to be a bore. Besides, what I’m ino with one person may not be what I’m into with you

Don’t List a Bunch of Negatives—No one is interested in what you don’t like or what you won’t do. Tell us about what you’re attracted to and what you like to do.

Don’t Use Offensive Comments—”No Fems, No Fats” is bullshit. So is “Drug and Disease Free—U B 2.” Looking for someone that’s “Clean” is asinine. An HIV+ person is not dirty.

Don’t Ask Me if I have a Friend to Invite—unless you guys have been talking about three-ways or group play, don’t ask this. It merely says you’re not that into me.

Don’t play with HIV Negative Guys—Unless you plan to play 110% safe; all wrapped up and on PreP! I know many guys online who lie and stats show you’re at greater risk of catching HIV from someone that says they are negative than someone that says they’re positive and on treatment.

Don’t Cancel without Setting a New Playdate—Sometimes shit does happen and you can’t make your date. If you have to cancel be sure to call and ask for a new date. This lets him know you’re serious and not simple flaking on him.

Don’t Show up Without a Clean Ass—why is it that Twinks don’t get this! A dirty ass totally ruins the mood unless you’re both into scat. Get a bottle of Fleet and rinse your butt out!

Don’t Play More than One Guy at a Time—if you have two or more guys interested in you and they’re guys you’d do, pick your favorite and go for it. In the meantime, let the other(s) know you’ve already got a live one on the line and you think you’ll score. Ask them if they’d like to be contacted if it doesn’t work out. They’ll understand and almost always say yes. This has worked really well for me and earned some respect

Don’t Stick Around if You’re Not Having Fun—if the chemistry isn’t right and you’re grossed out, bored to death or what have you, politely end the play and go home. It’s easy enough to simply say the chemistry isn’t right and the scene isn’t working out for you. Let him know you appreciate his interest and generosity inviting you over. While he may be disappointed, he’ll respect your honesty and integrity.

Don’t Take Your Valuables—you have no idea who you’re hooking up with so leave the goods at home and only take what you need like your driver’s license, an ATM card or a small amount of cash for emergencies. Leave the ATM card or cash in the car, and take your ID with you. Better yet, carry a photo-copy of your ID and black-out your date of birth and license number so your identity is more secure. No matter what though, always carry ID!!

Toys – Training for Fisting

For training to take a fist, many people ask me what toy is a good one to start with. My response is, “Well, it depends.”

What’s was good for me may not be good for you. There are a lot of things to consider such as:

  • How big of a toy you can take now
  • What can your budget afford
  • What kinds of lubricants do you use
  • Do you have any allergies to latex, lubes or anything related
  • Do you prefer latex, vinyl, rubber or silicone toys
  • How sensitive is your body to some of the chemicals toys are made of, etc.

Years ago I sat on a friend’s very fat cock that must have been a good 9 1/2 inches (24.13 cm) long. I was able to take it all the way down to the base which surprised me, because I could never take anything so big and so deep before.

So when I went looking for a toy to play with after a couple of weeks of sexual dry spell I went looking for something slightly fatter and longer. His cock also had more of a pointy head as opposed to mushroom shaped, so I also looked for something conical in shape near the tip.

When I got the toy home I found I couldn’t take it in slowly but couldn’t go deep with it. From my experience with my friend’s long cock I knew taking at much deeper was possible so I tried moving it back and forth, side to side. I found if I angled it just right I could get it in much deeper. I played with it several nights in a row trying to get it in deeper and deeper. I finally reach a point where it went in as deep as my friends cock was long, but there was still a few more inches to go. I was making good progress until I hit a sensitive spot that had a little bit of give to it. While it was sensitive it didn’t hurt to push against it, but it was quite uncomfortable. I was completely unaware of my anatomy so I didn’t know if there was a different direction I should take. I tried pointing the tip of the dildo in other directions, poking here and there but there was nowhere else to go to. The direction towards this sensitive spot was the only path there was.

Over the span of a few nights I kept teasing that sensitive area figuring I was at a valve or sphincter of some type. Due to the toy’s taper I gradually worked this spot to see if it would open. Each time it felt like I could go a little deeper. I also noticed that the level of discomfort I felt was beginning to wane. One night after having a cope of beers I decided to play with my toy again. This time I tried adding poppers to the routine. As I began teasing a way at that spot there was hardly any discomfort at all when suddenly it open and the rest of the toy went all of the way in. The sensation was incredible!

I want to stress for the reader that I never pushed the toy in to the point of painfulness. I had read that in butt play pain is a danger signal that should be seriously heeded. It is reasonable to expect some discomfort as you stretch and open your pathway, but it should never hurt. Always go slow as one quick thrust can put you in the hospital. I don’t know where the statistics come from, it may all be anecdotal, but I’ve read that more people wind up in the emergency room from toys than do fisting.

When I described my experience with a seasoned fister he congratulated me. He told me what I was going through was my “second” hole. He said it was a significant achievement and would allow me to take a hand deeper in the long run. He said my next challenge would be to train my second hole to open wider so I could get a hand through it. For me, that would be a little way down the road as for now I was really enjoying the sensation of the toy opening and then going through my second hole. That was in early 2004.


My toy’s length wasn’t long enough to get much further than just the opening of my second hole so I went and bought another toy that was much longer. It was called “Rambone.”  You can still find it sold in many adult toy stores and even find it on Amazon. The Rambone is shaped like a very long cock which I used to get beyond my second hole to explore deeper. Its dimensions are:

  • Total Length = 16.7 in.
  • Insertable Length = 13.4 in.
  • Width = 2.35 in.
  • Girth = 7.38 in.

Today it’s 2019. I can take tall men up to their elbow. Small men to mid-bicep and men of average height just past the knuckle of their elbow. I can also take two hands. Of course it depends on the size of the man’s hands and helps a lot if he knows what he’s doing. I have a petite Vietnamese friend who is very experienced. He’s an awesome fister with small hands. He can fit both of them in my ass and work his way up midway to his elbow. The physical limitation of my anatomy will allow me to take really large hands, but not very deep and not two at a time. My pelvis can only take so much.

I won’t bore you with all of the details of every toy I used and the phases I went through to get to where I am today, but I can give you some general guidelines. I always upgraded in size gradually, always getting a toy that was slightly larger than the previous. I like depth play as much as I do width stretching so I alternated back and forth between longer and wider toys.

I preferred toys that were long and tapered; not just at the top, but kind of like a cone. When I got interested in width, I used toys more like butt plugs that went from narrow at the top to very wide at the bottom. For exploring, I used long toys with a slight taper at the top but consistent in diameter the rest of the way. Think of long bullet and you’ll get the idea.

Here are a few toys I suggest for depth and width training

Good for Depth    

Slink ®

Slink ® Ripple

Depth Probe

Longneck Smooth

Good for Width

Full Tilt

Slink® Stretch

Uncut 7


All toys available at Square Peg Toys (R)

For lube, I generally used Crisco grease. Lard works too. Sometimes I’d mix the grease with mineral oil, water (you have to use a blender) or J-Lube. Sometimes I’d add a dash of clove oil to give it a pleasant smell and a slight numbing quality. J-lube is a powder that veterinarians use to lubricate birth canals so they can reach in to assist with the birthing process. It has other uses too. The powder is concentrated and all you have to do is blend it with water and you can make a lot of lube inexpensively. You can find many places to buy it by simply searching online.

The reason I used grease was because water based lubes wouldn’t coat latex and rubber toys very well. I didn’t use silicone lubes because they’re expensive. If you use grease, beware that grease will degrade your latex, rubber and vinyl toys over time. For me that was OK because I was frequently upgrading to bigger and wider toys.

I am a real pig for extremes. I wanted guys to get in me deep and to put both fists in my hole so I wound up buying a lot of toys to stretch me deep and wide. Your experience doesn’t have to be like that. Your toy work should get you to the point where you can easily take a toy that’s about 3 1/2 inches (3.89 cm) in diameter. When you can comfortable take that you’re probably ready to start looking for someone with small hands to stretch you a bit more and get their hand in you. Don’t expect too much the first time. You have to learn to relax, control your breathing and communicate with your partner. Your partner will also have to learn your body language, the anatomy of your hole and how his hand fits into it and how to work with you to get you to relax. It’s a lot more complicated than a drive by fuck-and-dump. You have to build a relationship. It might work the first time, but you shouldn’t expect that. It may take several sessions to get inside you and that’s typical. As a daddy once said to me, “Be patient boy. It’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” He was so damn true.

I’ve worked with a lot of boys. Many give up in frustration or lack of patience, but those that are consistent, patient and communicate well are more successful and in shorter periods of time that those that are not. I’ve only fisted two boys in ten years that were able to take my small hands on the first try. There could have been many more, but I don’t believe in forcing my fist into your asshole like some inexperienced and selfish tops do. Be very selective about who you choose to work with.

When you start playing with others, if a guy is going too fast and hard, tell him to slow down and go easy. If he doesn’t, politely end the session and find another partner regardless of how bad you want it. It’s not worth getting hurt.