Online Hookups Do’s and Don’ts

About

I’ve been a player now for some time. The internet and hookup apps make it easy to find a playmate, but many the guys on these sites and apps take the fun and ease out of hooking-up. Here’s my list of irritants, do’s and don’ts. What are yours? TWINKS TAKE NOTICE!

Do’s

Read My Fucking Profile—especially the part that says I’m HIV+. Besides, I wrote it for you, not my vanity.

Be on Time—it really is rude to be late despite anything you hear about “Gay time.” Gay time is bullshit.

Create a Complete Profile—the more you put out there, the more people will know if they’re interested in you. 

Be Honest—especially about your HIV status, your dick size, weight, age, etc. No one likes a liar and they’ll “remember” you to everyone.

Send Him Home—if he doesn’t look like his profile picture, tell him so and send him packing. These assholes plan on you being so worked up that you’ll just give in to get your rocks off. Do all of us a favor and tell them to fuck off and send them home limp. They’ll be humiliated and think twice before doing it again to someone else.

Exchange Cell Phone/Text numbers—Shit happens and it’s polite to let the other know if something comes up. If he’s concerned about privacy, see if there’s another way to communicate. If he’s totally resistant about this, it’s a warning sign that something’s not right. 

Keep Your Word—if you say you’re going to call, CALL. If you say you’re going to show up, SHOW UP. Having found a better trick is not a good reason to no-show or cancel at the last minute. If you find a better trick, schedule him for later that day/night or a later date. Or, simply let him know you’ve got or are working on a hookup already. Ask him if you should hit him up should your hookup flake on you. What are the possibilities of that happening!

Bring Your Own Stuff—unless he’s offered, bring your own supplies like lube, condoms, poppers, 420, gloves (for fisting). If he’s generous enough to host, you can be polite enough to bring your own shit.

Let Your Needs/Desires be Known Explicitly—he can’t read your mind and you won’t have a good time if he doesn’t know what you need to get off. Conversely, if he’s not telling you what he wants, ask him.

Do Some Reconnaissance—if traveling out, Google Map his address and get a street view if you can. While you’re on Google maps, get directions to his place from yours so you can see how long it will take to get to his house.

Plan for the Psycho—create insurance for yourself by sending someone the details of your hook-up and ask them to check up on you 5-10 minutes after you arrive. Make sure your friend know what app or website you met the guy on; what the guy’s profile name is, what his real name, what his address is; his phone number, picture, etc. Do this if you’re hosting too. Casually mention that you’ve done this to your trick and definitely mention it if it gets really weird. Seriously consider taking pepper spray or other personal defense items with you and keep them close at hand until you’re comfortable with the situation

Don’ts

Don’t Ask Me What I’m into—it’s in my profile. If you have a menu list of, “I don’t do this” and “I don’t do that,” then you’re probably going to be a bore. Besides, what I’m ino with one person may not be what I’m into with you

Don’t List a Bunch of Negatives—No one is interested in what you don’t like or what you won’t do. Tell us about what you’re attracted to and what you like to do.

Don’t Use Offensive Comments—”No Fems, No Fats” is bullshit. So is “Drug and Disease Free—U B 2.” Looking for someone that’s “Clean” is asinine. An HIV+ person is not dirty.

Don’t Ask Me if I have a Friend to Invite—unless you guys have been talking about three-ways or group play, don’t ask this. It merely says you’re not that into me.

Don’t play with HIV Negative Guys—Unless you plan to play 110% safe; all wrapped up and on PreP! I know many guys online who lie and stats show you’re at greater risk of catching HIV from someone that says they are negative than someone that says they’re positive and on treatment.

Don’t Cancel without Setting a New Playdate—Sometimes shit does happen and you can’t make your date. If you have to cancel be sure to call and ask for a new date. This lets him know you’re serious and not simple flaking on him.

Don’t Show up Without a Clean Ass—why is it that Twinks don’t get this! A dirty ass totally ruins the mood unless you’re both into scat. Get a bottle of Fleet and rinse your butt out!

Don’t Play More than One Guy at a Time—if you have two or more guys interested in you and they’re guys you’d do, pick your favorite and go for it. In the meantime, let the other(s) know you’ve already got a live one on the line and you think you’ll score. Ask them if they’d like to be contacted if it doesn’t work out. They’ll understand and almost always say yes. This has worked really well for me and earned some respect

Don’t Stick Around if You’re Not Having Fun—if the chemistry isn’t right and you’re grossed out, bored to death or what have you, politely end the play and go home. It’s easy enough to simply say the chemistry isn’t right and the scene isn’t working out for you. Let him know you appreciate his interest and generosity inviting you over. While he may be disappointed, he’ll respect your honesty and integrity.

Don’t Take Your Valuables—you have no idea who you’re hooking up with so leave the goods at home and only take what you need like your driver’s license, an ATM card or a small amount of cash for emergencies. Leave the ATM card or cash in the car, and take your ID with you. Better yet, carry a photo-copy of your ID and black-out your date of birth and license number so your identity is more secure. No matter what though, always carry ID!!

Hooking Up: What Every Twink Should Know

I’ve been using apps for several years to hook up with guys. At my age, I know a few things about the topic. One of them is how annoying twinks can be when when trying to negotiate a hook up. If you’re a twink this is some good information about do’s and don’t that will help you score that online stud.

  • Don’t believe anyone that says they are HIV–. I know many people who lie about their status. An HIV test is only accurate for the moment the blood sample was collected and people can literally not know they’ve been infected.
  • Endless emails back and forth are unnecessary and sends the wrong message – you’re not really serious. It only takes a few back and forth messages to find out when, where and what.
  • Be prepared BEFORE you go online. People are impatient and inconsiderate of you. If you’re not ready to go when they are, they may not take you seriously and may not wait. Be prepared by:
    • Cleaning out and showering before you go online (avoid soaps with fragrances)
    • Keep a little play bag ready to go for when you have to travel. Pack it with lube, condoms, poppers (or other substances), bottled water, a tiny flashlight and hand towel. Customize contents as desired.
  • Certain questions may be appropriate for other twinks but not for older or more experienced guys. Don’t ask, “what are you into” and “how big is your dick.” Asking what you’re into is pointless and immature. What I’m into with one guy is not going to be the same with others. For instance, I might like to rim, but not with everyone. Or, I like to top, but not with big guys. A guy who asks about dick size is not interested in you, he’s interested in a human dildo. He’s most likely going to be self centered, selfish and not worth your time. It’s also just rude.
  • Put enough information in your profile so people don’t have to ask you a dozen questions. Answer the basics:
    • Height
    • Weight
    • Hair color
    • HIV status
    • Sexual interests
    • What position you prefer
    • What you’re boundaries are
    • What you like to do or want to do/try
    • When you’re looking for; right now, next week, later today, etc.
    • If you are immobile and if you cannot host (or if you can). There’s nothing worse than find out at the last moment that the other guy can’t travel
  • Don’t leave valuables laying around and don’t take them with you if you travel
  • If hosting, prepare your play area–clean it up; put out lubes, poppers, water, and have paper or cloth towels available for little messes
  • DO NOT HAVE EXPECTATIONS going into a hookup. You’ll most certainly be disappointed
  • Make sure you look like your profile picture
  • Do not reward liars. If their profile picture is 10 years old and they did not represent themselves accurately, send them home or turn around and walk away. Nothing pisses me off more than a guy who looks nothing like what they have presented themselves to be. I don’t like liars and I don’t like my time being wasted. I’m brutal when this happens. I once sent a couple away that traveled over an hour to play with me. They used someone else’s photos and I bet they thought I’d go through with the hookup because of time and my kind heartedness.
  • Do not ask for gas money–you’ll look like a loser
  • Resist the temptation to provide transportation—imagine what the trip back would be like if the hookup went really bad. I made this mistake and the 15 minute ride taking him to his hotel was miserable as he was high on Meth.